ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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