She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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