you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
In other news, I just burned my penis
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
