they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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