smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
