his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
