All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Will exercising make me less horny?
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