just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
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You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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