My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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