I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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