i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
