At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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