C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Also, beer. Big fan.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
