It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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