I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
