she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
