i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
