I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
