If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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