love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
