I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
