for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He better not be in your backpack
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
