Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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