No stitches, just platelets and will power
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
