Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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