Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
