She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
