So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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