And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
