youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
