I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize