someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
