Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
