addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
