I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
