Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
