The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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