happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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