escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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