Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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