Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
