a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
