Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
