She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
