Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
