There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
How's work?
Spinning.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
