Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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