Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize