I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
