I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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