she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
