She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
