do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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