Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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