get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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