I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
