Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
