Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
