We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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