your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
