I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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