i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You need Xanax blowdarts
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Randomize
