from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
