I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
