then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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