hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
