I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
