had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
