there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
