He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
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He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
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He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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