Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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