he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
