I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
