She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
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This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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