do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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