Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
