if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
